Dark Night of the Soul is the time in our journey of life when we plunge into profound depths of despair. This time is challenging our very essence and understanding of self. It is also a spiritually transformative time that has profound implications for our personal growth.
Let's explore the concept of the Dark Night of the Soul more deeply and look for the reasons it enters our lives, its stages, and how to navigate it.
What Does the Dark Night of the Soul Mean?
The term "Dark Night of the Soul" originates from the writings of the 16th-century Spanish mystic, St. John of the Cross. It describes a period of spiritual desolation, confusion, and existential crisis that leads to a deeper, more authentic connection with the Divine.
In modern context, it is often seen as a period of intense personal and spiritual growth, where we confront our deepest fears and emerge transformed. In this way, it is similar to descent into the Underworld, or the journey of Inanna.
In its essence, the Dark Night of the Soul is a rite of passage. It strips away illusions and false identities. It shatters the masks we wear and the defenses of our ego — in order to uncover our true self.
The Dark Night of the Soul meaning is not simply about suffering but about the potential for profound enlightenment and spiritual rebirth.
One way of approaching the meaning of the Dark Night of the Soul is to see it as a mystical experience, a Divine purification. This was the original meaning that St John of the Cross gave to his experience. This is also how I often view it in the context of twin flames and soul relationships.
Contemporary psychology often views Dark Night of the Soul as a psychological crisis that can lead to personal transformation. This may be a midlife crisis or a significant life transition (losing a job, moving, changing careers, and so on), where old paradigms are dismantled, paving the way for new perspectives and growth.
In my own work, I approach it from both the psychological and the mystical perspective, focusing more on what wants to come in and emerge as a fruit of the experience. Very often, it opens the way for deeper connection with the outside world, a renewed sense of self and a completely new path in life.
Stages of the Dark Night of the Soul
The Dark Night of the Soul can be understood through several stages, each offering its own challenges and realizations.
Stage 1: The Descent
This initial stage brings with it a sense of loss and disorientation. It feels like walking in the dark, and the only lamp you have went out. You feel like you lost your way. There is a profound disconnect from your previous sense of purpose and identity. You don't know who you are anymore and what you want. This stage is often marked by feelings of depression, anxiety, and existential dread.
This is descent into the Underworld. The queen strips away her royal robes, the king is dethroned, the prince is begging on the streets. The old structures collapse. There is nothing to hold on to.
During the descent, the sense of disconnection can feel overwhelming. Many report feeling as though they are "in a fog", unable to see the path ahead. This disorientation is a critical part of the process, acting as a catalyst for deeper purification.
The Role of Suffering
Suffering in this stage is not merely emotional but can manifest physically. You may experience fatigue, restlessness, or even physical ailments. Some clients I worked with spent up to a couple of years nearly completely paralyzed and unable to move. Some had a significant health crisis.
This suffering pushes us deeper into the pain body pain and forces to seek meaning beyond our current understanding. To put it in somewhat unkind terms, it is like a hook that keeps us looking for solutions or meaning to what is going on. Without it, the ego is not capable to jump out of its old skin.
As we navigate this stage, there is often a desperate search for meaning. This quest can be both liberating and terrifying, as it requires letting go of old beliefs. It is an invitation to explore new spiritual and philosophical reality which leads to a new understanding of life and self. ,
Stage 2: The Abyss
As the journey progresses, we enter the abyss—a space of deep introspection and self-reflection. Here, we confront our deepest fears, unresolved traumas, and suppressed emotions.
It is a time of intense inner turmoil but also of potential revelation. It is not a fun time. But it is the reality of a seed being planted into the dark womb of the Earth. For me personally, this stage is presided over by the Dark Mother, expressed so well in Kali or the Black Madonnas.
Facing the Shadow
In the abyss, confronting our shadow is unavoidable. This stage involves acknowledging aspects of the self that have been hidden or denied. We don't like to look at all the places within us where we hate ourselves, where we feel less than, where we believe that nobody wants us.
Facing the shadow is the most courageous thing you will do in your life. It requires facing fears and insecurities that have long been buried — sometimes for lifetimes.
It is often at this stage that we begin to reach out for help from a healing professional. It is very important to know that at this stage healing will not take away the Dark Night of the Soul. Here, the role of a healer is to help you navigate the shadow realms.
I have had a number of clients who wanted help with forgetting their beloved or not feeling so lost and scared. They said no one could help them, and they tried everything. But any progress is impossible without facing the shadow. Any attempts to jump over this stage will only bring more suffering.
The Role of Vulnerability
Despite the darkness, the abyss can be a space of profound insights. As we delve deeper into our soul, we begin to understand the root causes of our suffering.
Vulnerability is a key component of this stage. By allowing ourselves to be vulnerable, we can begin to heal and integrate our shadow aspects. This integration is crucial for moving towards a more authentic and whole self.
Sometimes, one of the greatest lessons of the Dark Night of the Soul is normalizing the descent. In nature, it is not normal to always be in the sun, always be growing, always go up. The tides turn, seasons change, light turns into darkness. This in itself may be one of the greatest revelations we can have in life.
No, life is not always positive and happy. But the seeds of growth are planted in darkness.
Stage 3: The Rebirth
Emerging from the abyss, we begin to experience renewal and awakening. It is time to blossom.
This stage is characterized by newfound clarity, inner peace, and a more profound connection to the spiritual and material worlds. Like a tree network, our roots now extend into all the worlds. It is a period of integration, where the lessons learned from the Dark Night are woven into our life.
Embracing New Beginnings
The rebirth phase signifies a new beginning, a fresh start. We feel a sense of liberation, as if a weight has been lifted. This newfound freedom allows us to explore new opportunities and possibilities that align with our true self.
The veils blocking the light have been peeled off. Now we can see more clearly.
We need to integrate our lessons. Apply new insights to daily life and interactions. The rebirth stage is a time to redefine values, set new goals, and cultivate relationships that reflect our authentic selves. We have been made new. It is time to build new structures — in our business, our relationships, our spiritual practice and the way we present ourselves to the world.
Spiritual Awakening and the Dark Night of the Soul
The Dark Night of the Soul is intrinsically linked to the process of spiritual awakening. It acts as a catalyst, breaking down old paradigms and paving the way for a more expansive understanding of existence.
As already mentioned, for some people, spiritual awakening is triggered when they meet their romantic soul connection, their twin flame. In this situation, they usually descend into the Dark Night of the Soul in the stage of separation.
Twin Flame Dark Night speaks to the same process and follows the same path, but is often even more confusing. The twin flame experiencing it, usually the more awakened one, believes that everything would be fine "if we could only be together again." This usually doesn't work no matter what attempts are made.
But how long does the Dark Night of the Soul last, and what can we expect from this journey of descent?
Duration and Experience
There are no rules. The duration of the Dark Night varies from person to person, often lasting anywhere from a few months to several years. Its intensity and impact are deeply personal, shaped by individual experiences and spiritual paths. One could, cautiously, say that the duration of the Dark Night depends on the resistance of the ego, at least in part.
During this time, we may also experience vivid dreams, synchronicities, and heightened intuition.
The personal nature of the Dark Night of the Soul means that no two experiences are alike. Past traumas, spiritual beliefs, and life circumstances — all that shapes our ego and our sense of self — influence the journey's duration and intensity.
Signs of Progress
Despite the challenges, there are signs of progress that you can look for. Increased moments of clarity, deeper emotional awareness, and a growing sense of peace are indicators that one is moving through the Dark Night.
Embracing the uncertainty of the Dark Night is crucial. This journey is not linear, and setbacks are a natural part of the process. It will often feel like taking one step forward and two steps back. This is a journey in the dark, and all we can do is accept the unknown.
Artistic expression can be a powerful tool for healing during the Dark Night. Whether through painting, writing, music, or dance, creativity allows us to externalize the inner turmoil. This process not only provides relief but also deepens understanding and connection to self.
Practical Guidance for Navigating the Dark Night
If you are going through the Dark Night of the Soul, please have compassion and patience with yourself. It is a natural and necessary part of your spiritual evolution. Your soul signed up for it. The ego that is whining and suffering is the real enemy — the experience of the Dark Nigh isn't.
Acceptance as the First Step
Acceptance is the first step towards transformation. By acknowledging the Dark Night's presence, we can begin to work with, rather than against, our experience. This opens the door to healing and renewal.
Discomfort during the Dark Night of the Soul is a signal that change is happening. Rather than resisting, try to find value in this discomfort. It is a powerful teacher, providing insights into areas of life that may require attention and transformation.
Acceptance and trying to find value are not to be confused with false positivity or always being happy. This is superficial and will not work. Grieve. Scream. Rage. Tell the Divine all your grievances and everything you blame Him/Her/It for.
Go through the valley of grief with hair unkempt, clothes torn and tears falling from your eyes. This is real. This is not for Instagram or manifestation class. Be real.
Surrendering Control
Surrendering control is a vital aspect of embracing the Dark Night. This journey requires letting go of preconceived notions and allowing the process to take you where your soul wants you to go.
Connect with others who have experienced similar journeys. Whether through spiritual communities, therapy, or support groups, sharing your experiences will provide comfort and insights.
Yoga is another practice that supports re-birth through the Dark Night by connecting mind and body. Through movement and breath, yoga encourages presence and awareness. It can help release tension and foster a sense of peace, aiding in the journey.
Professional Guidance
Seeking professional guidance, such as therapy, healing or spiritual counseling, can be invaluable. In my work, I offer tools and strategies to navigate the Dark Night, providing clarity and support. I can help in identifying patterns and offering new ways of understanding your experiences. There are things we can clear and make the journey easier and shorter
But no one can make the experience go away until you are ready to be reborn!
Remember that the Dark Night of the Soul is temporary and that you will emerge stronger and more aligned with your true self. Surrender to the unfolding of your spiritual path. Surrendering to transformation means letting go of resistance. This surrender is not passive but an active choice to trust completely in what is unfolding.
Ultimately, embracing the journey of the Dark Night of the Soul is about recognizing the beauty of all life. Each step through the Dark Night is a step towards greater authenticity and fulfillment.
In the words of St. John of the Cross, "The endurance of darkness is the preparation for great light."
